Say What You Mean
by celeste9
Summary: In which Becker is an idiot, Jess is brilliant, and Lester is mostly just irritated.  Lester/Becker


_**Say What You Mean**_

**A/N: **I think of this as a companion to my story "Promise Not to Try", but all you really need to know is Lester and Becker are together. This goes along with 4x6, so I've used a bit of the dialogue from that episode. Upon a rewatch, even though two days clearly passed, Lester seemed to spend the entire episode in the same suit (whoops, costume department) even as everyone else made wardrobe changes, so I've referenced that. Title is from "The Ballad of Mona Lisa" by Panic! At The Disco.

Becker wanted to be annoyed that Jess had brought him dinner while he was watching Ethan's place, but he had to admit that he was a bit charmed. She had even brought prawn crackers, which were his guilty pleasure. Jess was really a sweet girl. He thought maybe if things had been different, he would have liked to get to know her better.

But that was a moot point. Becker was exceedingly pleased with the status of his love life at the moment, thank you very much (and it had been quite some time since he had been able to say that). He would like to keep Jess as a friend, however, and that meant he was going to have to tell her about Lester. It wasn't fair to her to let her go on thinking that he liked her in the same way that she seemed to like him.

Becker glanced at Jess and then away. He knew he needed to speak with her and she had unknowingly provided him with the perfect opportunity, but he could hardly fathom himself how much he did not want to have this conversation. He was going to have to suck it up and just start talking. She was bringing him meals during stakeout duty, for Christ's sake.

"Jess," he started, pausing to wet his lips when she turned to face him with those big doe eyes of hers. There was nothing he hated more than making a girl sad. At least she was unlikely to cry. "Jess, there's something I need to tell you. I should have told you before, but, well, it's a little awkward and I didn't want to make things between us uncomfortable or anything, and I-" She was still simply looking at him expectantly and Becker just came out and said it. "There's someone else."

Jess narrowed her eyes. "Someone else?"

Oh, fuck. What the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn't he ever have a remotely emotional discussion without screwing it up somehow? _Pretend you're a normal person who can participate in a normal conversation, Becker, come on._ "I mean- Well, I thought that maybe you liked me? Not to be arrogant or anything, but I thought there was something there, and I haven't meant to lead you on, but I've got someone now. Someone else. I really should have said something before, but it's sort of… complicated. It came a bit out of nowhere and anyway I didn't want to assume..." Becker closed his eyes briefly in an attempt to avoid looking at Jess, wincing inwardly. He was rambling as much as Connor. "Is any of this making sense?"

For all the emotional maturity he was displaying, Becker may as well have been back in school, talking to his first girlfriend. Becker didn't think it should come as a surprise to anyone that he actually wasn't all that good at relationships of any kind. It was highly probable that the reason he and Lester were so good together was that they both avoided painful conversations like this, and it was an avoidance that was equal on both sides. Yeah, that may lead to some misunderstanding down the line, but Becker was willing to take that risk.

"You thought I had a crush on you?"

"Yes?" She had, hadn't she? Surely he couldn't be that stupid?

Jess was flushing and she wasn't meeting Becker's eyes anymore. "Was I that transparent?"

Becker nearly sighed in relief. If he'd started this conversation without needing to, he would've been extremely unhappy. "I didn't know you were trying to hide it."

"I wasn't, not really, but it's a bit weird, isn't it? Talking about it?" She raised her face again. "But you're with someone. Of course you are. Stupid," she muttered, half to herself.

"Jess," Becker said, reaching out to lay a hand on her thigh. Which he quickly removed, as he realised perhaps that might be a tad inappropriate, given the circumstances. "It was my fault. I shouldn't have- I should have told you, but it was… complicated." Now he sounded like a broken record.

"Complicated," Jess repeated. "Who is it, then? Someone I know? Someone at the ARC?"

Becker bit his lip. "Would you accept the answer, 'it's a secret'?"

"'It's a secret'?"

Becker really didn't like the tone of voice she repeated that in.

"A secret, really, that's fantastic. You're seeing someone, and you let me make a fool of myself _throwing _myself at you, and that's all you can say?"

"I wouldn't say you _threw _yourself at me-"

Jess talked right over him as though she didn't even hear. "Why on earth would it be a secret? Clearly it's someone we work with, or you wouldn't-" Her eyes widened, looking huge in her face. "It's Abby, isn't it? Oh, Becker, how could you? How could you do that to Connor?"

"It's not Abby, for fuck's sake," Becker interjected loudly before she could work herself up any more than she already had. "How could you even think that?"

Jess seemed startled into silence. Becker stared fixedly at the CCTV, running a hand through his hair. This was going even worse than he had imagined, and Becker had a pretty vivid imagination.

"It's Lester," he said finally, his response directed somewhere in the vicinity of his feet. He had to tell her, right? Otherwise she would go on making up increasingly horrible rumors about him. _Abby, _fuck. What kind of a bastard did she think he was?

Becker was drawn out of his thoughts by the sound of Jess laughing. "Becker, please. _Lester? _Surely you can come up with something more believable than that if you don't want to tell me the truth."

The look on his face was enough to quiet Jess' amusement. She stared at him. "You can't be serious? You're not, are you? I mean, Lester? You and Lester?" She lapsed into silence again.

"I wouldn't lie to you, Jess," Becker said. "Not about this."

"You and Lester?" she said again, voice incredulous. "How- What- I mean, how-"

Becker shrugged. "It just sort of- happened. I don't know. Believe me, no one was more surprised than I was. Except maybe James," he added thoughtfully.

Jess giggled, which Becker took as a good sign. "But… How long? I mean, the whole time?"

"I told you, it's complicated. I couldn't even tell you when it really started. At first it was just…" Becker debated how to explain. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell Jess that he and Lester had been having casual sex in the ARC regularly for nearly as long as he'd known her (and irregularly since before he'd even met her). "It was nothing serious. I mean, you have no idea how it was before. It was just me and him and all this shit happening around us. But it was nothing, it wasn't serious. Until it was."

"When you got hurt at the school," Jess said, "and he came to see you…That was why. God, I've been such an idiot. He was so worried and I couldn't even see it, I was too caught up in myself. I'm so stupid."

"Jess-"

"No, don't do that. It was stupid of me. I should've seen it."

"I should've told you. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising. And I'm… I'm happy for you, Becker, I am. I'm glad you have someone." Jess was smiling, genuinely enough that Becker knew she was being truthful. "Even if I can't quite wrap my head round the idea yet. You and Lester. Who'd have thought?"

"Certainly not me." Becker shook his head ruefully. "But you can't tell anyone, Jess, I mean it. I wasn't joking when I said it was a secret. I don't mind so much about Connor and Abby; I think they've already guessed anyway, but… You know how private Lester is, and anyway, this would reflect badly on him if the wrong people were to find out. The ARC's on thin ice as it is, and James… I know how he can come across, but believe me, he cares about the ARC and he cares about the people who work there. Trust me, you do not want to risk the sort of people who could replace him." Becker stared down at the congealing Chinese in his lap and remembered Christine Johnson.

Jess touched his arm lightly. "I won't say anything, Becker, I promise."

"Thanks."

"Lester must really love you if he's willing to risk his career for you."

Becker blinked. He'd never thought about it like that before, but Lester- If it came down to it, Lester would give Becker up. Wouldn't he? He should. Becker wouldn't blame him if he did; it would only be what Becker expected. Whatever. It didn't matter.

When Becker didn't reply, Jess started to clean up the boxes of Chinese, stuffing them back into the bag. She leaned back in her seat while Becker watched the CCTV feed, trying to keep his mind on Ethan.

He wasn't sure exactly when Jess nodded off, nor when her head made its way onto his shoulder. Damn but he hated stakeouts. It had been a long day and he was finding it hard just to keep his eyes open, let alone stay alert. Maybe he should have arranged shifts for this.

And then Ethan was on the screen. "Damn it, he's in the house."

Jess stirred, her voice thick with sleep. "What? What happened?"

"I'm going in," Becker said brusquely, grabbing a weapon. "Call for back-up. Wait in the car."

He didn't wait for her to comply, knowing he could trust Jess and needing every moment to catch up with Ethan. Becker ran into the building.

When he tripped the wire, Becker had only an instant to think, _oh, fuck, I'm such an idiot, _before he reflexively caught the weight falling from the ceiling, heard the metronome start ticking, and found the wire underneath the newspapers.

Oh, fuck. He was so screwed. _James, I'm sorry._

When Jess entered the room, Becker could have kissed her. He had never been so happy for someone to not listen to him. Now at least he would know for sure what he had gotten himself into. He could tell that Jess was terrified, but he didn't have time to work with that, she had to do what he said. Luckily she wasn't the type to fall apart under pressure.

As Jess pulled the covering down to reveal the bomb, Becker closed his eyes. That was it. It was over. Back-up would never arrive in time. "That can destroy the entire building. You need to get out of here. Now."

"No, I-"

"Go now!"

"I'm not leaving you," Jess said, her voice small but determined. "I'm not leaving you."

"He knew we were watching him! You need to leave now."

Jess threw her arms up. "I'll just tell Lester that I ran off and let you get blown up because you were too pig-headed to let me try and help, shall I? Becker, you tell me what to do. You can tell me."

Becker took a deep breath. Okay. Jess could work under pressure. She didn't work in the field, but maybe she could do this. He didn't want to die, God, he didn't want to die. He started to walk her through a basic bomb defusal.

When the smoke went up, Becker thought that was it. Jess screamed and he thought she wouldn't be able to calm down enough to be of any use. This was why he hated having civilians in the field. But he tried to keep his voice as even and as soothing as possible and remembered that she was just a girl and she was doing the best she could. "You're doing brilliantly," he said. "You can see the cylinder, can you?"

"Yes, I can see it, I can see a cylinder."

"Good. Now, I want you to come over here-"

"Okay," she interjected. It seemed to help her if she could keep talking.

"There's a pair of pliers on that table, quickly now."

"Okay," Jess said again, hurrying to the table and back again.

"Use those and very carefully take out the red wire. Do not touch the green wire," Becker said firmly.

Jess started mumbling to herself and Becker tried not to think about the ache in his arms. "Hurry, Jess. It's getting heavy."

Jess sounded frantic when she spoke again. "Um, there's no- there's no green wire, it's just two red wires. Which do I pick?"

Fuckfuckfuck. "You get out now," Becker shouted. "I mean it, Jess!"

"Just hang on! Give me a second, I can do this, okay?"

The metronome was ticking impossibly faster. "Come on!" Oh God, Becker didn't want to die. Not like this, not helpless and scared, chasing after some arsehole from who the hell knew where, not without Lester knowing-

The ticking stopped and Becker lunged to the side. It was over. He was alive.

"It worked! I did it! I did it!" Jess threw her arms around Becker's neck.

Becker clutched Jess' slender body to him and thought that he had never felt so relieved, so thrilled to be alive, in all his life. "You are truly brilliant," he said, meaning it with his entire being. He was going to buy Jess Parker the biggest chocolate bar he could find. No orange.

Jess pulled back. "I know! I am!" She hugged him again, laughing breathlessly in his ear. "It seemed to me that when faced with the option of telling Lester his boyfriend was dead or getting blown up myself, dying was the far better choice, so I thought, what the hell?"

Becker laughed with pure joy at still being in one piece, and then the back-up finally arrived.

* * *

><p>When they arrived back at the ARC, it was still early morning. Becker waved his men off and turned to speak to Jess, but Lester poked his head out of his office and said tersely, "Becker. My office. Now."<p>

Jess offered Becker a sympathetic smile. "Think he's angry?"

Becker stifled a sigh and marched off to his fate. Sleeping together certainly hadn't made Lester go any easier on Becker. Sometimes Becker thought it even made things worse.

Lester was seated behind his desk, hands folded in front of him, waiting silently. Becker stood at attention and began his report. While he spoke, in the back of his mind he kept wondering why Lester appeared to be wearing the same suit he'd worn yesterday. It was, wasn't it? It was the same tie, at the very least. Hadn't he gone home at all? Becker hated it when Lester slept at the ARC. Had he eaten anything? How was he sleeping? Lester did look as perfect as ever, but that didn't provide any answers. Becker liked to keep a running tally of when Lester looked ruffled in some way. If you removed sex from the equation, it was a short list.

When Becker finished, Lester stood up and walked around his desk to stand in front of Becker. He raised an eyebrow. "Am I to understand that the only reason you didn't die in an explosion early this morning is because Jess made a lucky guess and cut the correct wire?"

Becker winced. "That's about right, yes, sir."

"Damn. I'm going to have to give her a bonus." Lester moved forward again and laid his hand on the upper part of Becker's arm. "Tell me, Becker, why am I paying an entire security team if you insist on not using it? What if Jess hadn't been there? What if she'd cut the wrong wire? Do you have a death wish? Because honestly, I can't understand how you could be so stupid as to run in there unthinkingly with no back-up!" His nails were digging into Becker's skin through the thin fabric of his shirt.

"James," Becker said, laying his own hand over Lester's. He thought about reiterating the fact that he _had _told Jess to call for back-up, after he'd started to go in, but that probably wouldn't have helped his case any. "I'm fine. Everything worked out in the end."

"This time. But what about the next time you do something idiotic, or the time after that?"

"I'm sorry," Becker said, because he couldn't think of anything else to say. Not anything he wanted to say out loud, at least.

Lester sighed and lowered his eyes. Becker glanced around before pressing a kiss to Lester's forehead. "I'll come home with you later, yeah?" he said in a low voice.

Lester looked up again. "You seem to be under the impression that inviting yourself into my bed solves all our problems."

"Doesn't it?" Becker tried to look alluring but with his luck, he probably looked constipated or something. He was never sure how successful his conscious attempts at being sexy were, though Lester never complained. "I'll wear the thigh strap."

That seemed to perk Lester up. "Really?" he said and then remembered he was meant to be irritated. "Are you trying to coerce me into forgiving your moronic behaviour through sexual favours? It's a crime to bribe a civil servant, you know."

"Going to tell on me, James?"

Lester gave him a once-over as he considered it. "No, not this time." He moved back toward his desk. "Go on, get out of here. Go take a shower; you smell disgusting."

Becker just shook his head as he left. "You try nearly getting blown up, see how good you smell," he said to himself.

* * *

><p>Jess didn't know quite what she was waiting for, but when Becker had gone in to speak with Lester she had remained where she was, watching them discreetly through the glass. She was curious as to how they were when they were alone, now that she knew they were seeing each other. Would she be able to tell that they were together, by watching them now? The area was pretty empty and Becker's team had all moved on, so perhaps they wouldn't be quite so on-guard.<p>

They looked… sweet. Jess would never have thought it possible, but they did. Becker's back was to her but she had an excellent view of Lester's face and even from here Jess could see that Lester's anger was only a front for his concern. It was weird, the idea of them, but maybe she could see it.

Jess felt a bit like a voyeur, watching this clearly private moment, but couldn't tear her eyes away. She was seeing a whole new side of Lester and it was... fascinating.

When Becker strode out of the office Jess tried to appear as though she hadn't been peeping in at them, but was fairly sure she was only making herself more conspicuous. Becker winked at her and smiled as he headed down the corridor, so she thought maybe he didn't mind.

With one last look in at Lester, Jess headed off to her station. She had only just settled herself in when Lester startled her in mid-yawn. "I suppose I have you to thank for saving me all the paperwork I'd have to do if Becker had died."

Jess covered her mouth and hoped she didn't look too ridiculous. Lester was actually displaying gratitude- hidden behind sarcasm, but real gratitude nonetheless. "I'm always happy to help."

"You're all right, though, aren't you? I know you don't like to be in the field." Before Jess could even begin to formulate a reply, Lester went right on speaking. "Why don't you go home for a while?" he suggested. "Have a shower, a change of clothes. A nap, perhaps?"

Jess smiled and Lester started to look uncomfortable. That was easily the most concern for her well-being Lester had ever demonstrated. Perhaps she should save Becker's life more often. "Thanks. I think I will."

"Yes, well, I need you to be at your best when you're here. You're no use if you're falling asleep." Lester straightened his jacket and walked away.

Jess knew she was grinning widely and probably looked like an idiot. Perhaps she liked the idea of Becker and Lester after all.

_**End**_


End file.
